Everything Except a Man

Dr. Luv writes for New Growth Magazine

If you talk to Ebony’s girlfriends, they will tell you that she has it all. She is attractive, educated, cultured, nice figure, financially secure, great sense of style, and has pleasant personality. But there is one thing that remains elusive to Ebony and that’s a man.

Ebony is 32 years old and she has been single for the last four years. It seems like she has given up on dating. When asked about her dating life, Ebony says that she is focused on her career and prefers to spend time hanging out with her girlfriends. Do you know someone like Ebony?

Why is Ebony Single?

Ebony is single because she has single energy! What’s single energy? It’s the impression that Ebony give off about enjoying the single life. Ebony’s public statement is that she prefers the single life but deep down inside, she really wants a man. But when she meets a guy, she treats him like he’s on a job interview. Here’s how the conversation went with the last guy she met. Jason: “Excuse me Miss, my name is Jason and I would like to invite you to lunch”. Ebony: “I just don’t go to lunch with any and every guy who asks me. I need to know about your education, career goals, your 5-year plan, and if you have children”. Jason answered Ebony’s questions and they exchanged numbers, but Jason never called her. Why didn’t Jason call Ebony? Jason felt like Ebony was aggressive, assertive, and extremely bossy. He felt like he struck out with Ebony and that he needed to find another woman who he shares better
chemistry with.

What Can Ebony Do?

Ebony is her own worst enemy! Because deep down inside she secretly desires a relationship, but her outward expressions says the exact opposite. Ebony must invite men into her world by sending positive signals. Conducting a “job” interview about a man’s work history, past relationships, income level, and the number of children would not send positive signals. He isn’t applying for a job! He’s trying to get to know her.

Ebony must become much more open-minded and avoid asking financial questions because financially secure men usually don’t discuss their finances during an initial encounter. When a man captures Ebony’s attention, she must accept his lunch invitation. During the lunch, she should inquire about his passions. Ask him about his hobbies, his favorite movie, his musical tastes, his favorite foods, and his dream vacation. Find out if he has pets, if he plays sports, his favorite TV shows, and his favorite book. The previously mentioned questions would send signals that Ebony is interested in him as a person and not just his financial status.

Ebony, Don’t Be Afraid!

The reason that Ebony puts men through the “job” interview is because she is afraid of being hurt. But even if the guy answers all of the interview questions and all of his responses are true, that doesn’t protect Ebony from being hurt. If the guy is educated, owns a home, has a good job, and doesn’t have a child, doesn’t mean that he wants a relationship or that he will be faithful. Ebony needs to spend more time getting to know herself and what she really wants and then she will have an easier time connecting with Mr. Right.

Dr. Luv - Luv is Medicine

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