Toxic Lovers

Dr. Luv writes for New Growth Magazine

Are you in a Toxic Love Affair?

Are you in a relationship with someone who causes you to lose focus on your academic or career goals? Does your lover shoot down your hopes and dreams? Are you in a relationship where you constantly feel emotionally drained? If you answered ‘Yes’ to any of these questions, you have a Toxic Lover.

What is a Toxic Lover?

A Toxic Lover is a person that you probably share some level of compatibility with, but their actions are extremely harmful to your personal growth and development. A Toxic Lover isn’t easily spotted and usually doesn’t show signs of their toxicity up front.  After you get close to or enter into a relationship with a Toxic Lover, that’s when you may notice the side effects of their love. After several months, some of your friends may notice that you aren’t the same person anymore. Why? Because your Toxic Lover has infected you with their negativity.

Why are they so Toxic?

Toxic Lovers are toxic because they were hurt in previous relationships, grew up in a negative environment, or have yet to see a model of a positive relationship. They are hurting deep down inside and despise happy people. What makes them so dangerous is that they are very attracted to innocent young people, free spirits, and people with a positive outlook on life. The Toxic Lover isn’t interested in learning how to become a happier person; their goal is to steal your happiness. What gives the Toxic Lover the most pleasure is when they infect a happy person with their Toxic Love.

Sex is their weapon!

The Toxic Lover’s favorite weapon is Toxic Sex. They use sex as a weapon to disarm you and lower your defenses. Toxic Lovers understand the power of sex and their goal is to dominate you during sexual exchanges. They will also play sexual ‘cat and mouse’ games to make sex an important part of the relationship. After you open up to them on a sexual, emotional, and spiritual level, they will strike you with their toxicity. During or after sex, Toxic Lovers will use a variety of weapons to infect you such as: taking shots at your self esteem, attempting to change your plans, telling you that you won’t reach your goals, and playing a variety of mind games.

How Can You Avoid The Toxic Lover?

Don’t rush! Take plenty of time to find out about your potential lover before you get too close to them. It’s very important to figure out what makes them happy. Find out about their passions and their life purpose. Observe their behaviors to see if they show signs of being selfless, compassionate, and considerate.  These characteristics reflect non-toxic behaviors. If you ask these questions and observe their actions, you will be able to snuff out most Toxic Lovers because they can’t hide their deep seeded pain.

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